Lumpy

So come all ye rolling minstrels/And together we will try

To rouse the spirit of the earth/And move the rolling sky

You're most welcome
Lumpy
kazoogrrl
Let it me known that clevermanka understands the art of (sparkly!) thank you notes. Had to hide it from the cats!

Social weirdness
Lumpy
kazoogrrl
My neighbors a few blocks away are having some sort of party that involves a competition (I think) as there is cheering and yelling and general mayhem. It may not be a dance party as the sound system has started up.

Disjointed thoughts about socializing:

- I like the idea of spontaneous hanging out, but it seems like it doesn't happen a lot with my friends. That could be because we're so spread out, not just around Baltimore but around the state (and DC). But the thought of someone calling and saying, "Hey, how about I pick up a 6-pack and swing by?" sounds so nice! I need to get to know more people in the neighborhood, because I also like the idea of being able to WALK to see people I know. Crazy talk, I know.

- Also, I am amazed by parties or hanging out events where people make music, or sing, or are otherwise performative. Maybe it's because I'm not a musician so the idea of making music at the drop of a hat intrigues me. I don't come from a family that does that, either, the closest we got was singing Happy Birthday. I have this idea of fire pit, music, drumming, whatever hang outs. There are occasionally ones I could attend but, ah, are not always with a crowd with whom I'm close (I'll put it that way).

- In general I'd like to "entertain" more, from sit down dinners to casual get togethers, except the idea of them stresses me out! We have two events a year at the house, the troupe's Inappropriate Hafla and the holiday Cookie Party, and prep for them bugs the crap out of me. Part of that is because J is terrible at helping out without me keeping on top of him, and part of it is because I have this arbitrary internal standard I'm trying to meet that I cannot figure out.

- It may sound silly, but I think there is also some holdover outsider feelings from when I was a teenager. I rarely invited myself along to social things without being asked because I assumed if I wasn't asked then the person/people in question didn't want me there. Which is not really true a lot of the time. I worry that if I do ask or invite myself along that people will be thinking, "Crap!". This all stems from my black-sheep-of-our-social-group middle school years, when I was the hippie weirdo in my friends circle and was generally not clued into things.

- Something that also probably stems from that time is not having a life-long best friend. I envy people who have that. I do have friendships where some times they are closer, I think it happens when life circumstances seem to line up just perfectly (as well affection for each other) and there's a lot of hanging out. For me a part of being a grown up has been how to keep friendships strong when circumstances, distance, etc. pull things apart. I find there is value and fun in having friends who've known different aspects of me. And no, if you're wondering, I do not think of J as my best friend. He is definitely my partner and I love him, but it's different.

- Please tell me I'm not the only person who thinks "Best Fucking Friends" every time BFF is used.

- On the other hand I'm trying to be better about getting together with the people to whom I'm always saying, "Hey, we should hang out!" I have a rather large circle of people I hang out with, from close friends to people I've met through dance that I'd like to know better. In fact tomorrow I have brunch and thrifting plans with one of those people; it's time to eat, drink, and do some serious catching up.

It boils down to, yeah, social stuff. Doesn't come naturally to me. No wonder I enjoy being online.

A follow up - the scent edition
Nummy
kazoogrrl
Thankfully the BPAL Laughter of Loki scent is pretty delicious and smells really good on me. It starts out with this "all the incenses in the pagan store" smell I associate with . . . the witchy pagan shop* I practically lived in as a teen. Then it dried down into a honey-like sweetness that I associated with labdanum (Justin also described it as smoky). Not as cloying as an amber sweetness.

Then wicked wicked sihaya09 clued me into the fact they BPAL has an Only Lovers line in the works.

Doomed I tell you, doomed.


* My first online memory of damejenn was our amazingly similar, unknown-to-each-other-at-the-time, "If I ever owned a pagan store" rants we posted on our LJs.
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Obsession
Nummy
kazoogrrl
Saw Only Lovers Left Alive for the *ahem* third time tonight.

Dear Jim Jarmusch,

I'm not sure what magics you conjured to give you the ability to peer into my teenage head, I'm just glad you decided to use your skills for the power of good.

Love and many thanks,
Me
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Only Lovers Left Alive - thoughts, not really a review
Nummy
kazoogrrl
(Thanks for NOT auto saving my draft even though you said you did LJ, let's try this again)

So, took matters into my own hands and made the 1 1/2 hour trek to Northern Va to see "Only Lovers Left Alive" (AKA the movie of tall angular people). I did a little happy dance as we walked into the lobby of the theatre, no lie. Oh, it was awesome and EXACTLY what I needed. So to spare the uninterested I'm posing a bunch of random rambling thoughts below the cut, most of them probably say more about me than they do anything about the film. Maybe spoilers because I mention what doesn't happen? clevermanka , I cannot WAIT to hear what you think about it! It'll be in Baltimore 5/2 and I'm going to hit a show on my post-Fairie Fest-Monday-Recovery day off. Maybe with crepes. Definitely with a drink afterwards.

Squeeing right this wayCollapse )

I feel like I could probably keep going for a while, but I'll stop now.

Seriously? Seriously!?!?
Laser Eyes
kazoogrrl
If everyone just losing their fucking minds? I have dealt with more bad communication, general freak outs, and utter bullshit in the past few weeks than a long while. Is this happening to anyone else?

Sadly I can't say, "Will you just fucking STOP!" to the people who I want to say it to most.

Inside/Outside
Lumpy
kazoogrrl
Most days this winter when I'm driving to work I see the same young woman walking down St. Paul Street. I first noticed her because she physically reminds me of a friend of mine, but I kept noticing her because I admire the figure she cuts as she strides down the sidewalk.

She's tall, and wears a long black wool coat with black combat boots. Because of the cold she has a woven scarf wrapped around her head and her long red hair peeks out. What really caught my attention is the striped scarf she wears, it's black and light sunset pinky-purples, and I always wonder if it's hand knit.

She looks a bit different than the other people walking through Charles Village or waiting at the bus stop at 27th street. Her posture is straighter, her clothes more eclectic. I've pegged her as probably a MICA (art college to the non-local) student, though not as self-consciously outlandish as some I've seen. I also admire her sense of style even when bundled up for the winter.

The other day I saw a post on tumblr (that one of you may have re-blogged) that said something to the effect of the poster being dressed differently on the outside than what s/he is wearing in her/his head. The tone was one of regret, I recognized the tug in my chest. I think I've spent my entire life trying to get my outside to match my inside, while at the same time trying to handle practicality, the judgement of others, laziness, need for approval, desire to be left along, desire to stand out, comfort, monetary resources, and so on. All those things boil down to the fact that I've spent most of my life feeling like my outside and my inside don't match.

When I see this young lady walking down the street I imagine (because really, who knows?) someone whose outside and inside match. There is a pulled together outside, and a confidence in her movement, that sends me on a mini daydream of what it would have been like to really try to bring those things in line in my life, when I was younger. And I try to think how I can pull them together now. And then I wonder if I'm wasting my time, and why it matters to me, and how silly it is to worry about these things, or make assumptions about a stranger, and so on. It's a pretty heavy train of thought to indulge in during my morning commute.

Downtime
Lumpy
kazoogrrl
I haven't posted lately because everything I think about writing down turns into a rant about all the things that getting under my skin right now (see: everything). I've been diverting myself with dance stuff, reading, and diving into TV/movies because being solo in my head is threatening to turn into a sneaky hate spiral. So, I've got a lot to say but am trying to find the most productive way to say it.

Science!
Lumpy
kazoogrrl
While hanging out with some of my troupe mates for a Thor-a-thon last night we agreed we'd watch a film that was nothing but Darcy and Jane running around doing science. Then we agreed we'd also watch one of Bruce and Tony being science bros. Today I decided it should be a TV show with all four of them called "Banner, Foster, Lewis & Stark: For science!" Like a fictional Mythbusters.

We also drank a bunch of wine, ate Berger cookies, talked dance stuff, and, you know, practiced for a little bit.
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Not yet a fan, but almost
Lumpy
kazoogrrl
Putting this here for clevermanka since I didn't see it on her tumblr. Also, for lapinetrose and whomever else will enjoy it.

The Case of the Accidental Superstar

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